The Right Fit with a Therapist Makes a Big Difference: Why the Search Is Worth It

You know that feeling when you try on a pair of jeans, and they look great from the front… but then you turn around and the back pockets are just not right? Or you’re at the store to buy a new tennis racquet, and you are struggling to find one that feels right for you. Yeah. Therapy can be a lot like that.

Sometimes you meet a therapist who seems perfect on paper: excellent credentials, great experience, maybe a friend recommended them. However, when you sit down together, the vibe just isn’t right. Maybe you don’t feel emotionally safe to fully open up. Maybe they talk too much… or not enough. Maybe you want more direction… or less direction. Just like jeans or a tennis racquet, the first therapist you meet doesn’t always fit.

Here’s the thing:

Some jeans and tennis racquets go right back on the shelf for you. Maybe they are a wonderful fit for someone else, but not for you. That’s ok. This same sense of fit happens with therapists too. This is why booking a free consultation is so very important. Get a vibe of each other first before going ahead and booking that first session. Take that time to ask questions, and let the potential therapist know what you are looking for. Discuss what to expect in upcoming sessions, and how the therapist can help you with your specific problem or issue.

And let’s not forget… some jeans or tennis racquets are just out of your budget. Mental health care is a human right, not a luxury, but access isn’t equal. That’s why it's worth exploring sliding scale options, student therapists, community clinics, or virtual therapy platforms if cost is a barrier. At The Couple Wellness Experts, we value affordable therapy without a wait list. Our student therapists offer sliding scale rates and one probono slot per semester. They even offer a one-time free ‘drop-in’ for non-emergency first time sessions.

So how do you find your perfect therapist match?

Great question. Here are 9 things to consider when you’re therapist shopping (yes, that’s a thing):

1. Get clear on your goals.
Even if you’re not exactly sure where to begin, take a moment to reflect on why you’re seeking therapy. Are you hoping to manage anxiety, improve your relationships, work through trauma, or just have a space to process life? When you and your therapist are clear about your goals, you’re much more likely to make meaningful progress.

2. Ask someone you trust.
Referrals from friends, doctors, or colleagues can be a great starting point. Platforms like Psychology Today or the Gottman Referral Network also maintain searchable databases of licensed therapists based on location, specialties, and approaches. Just remember: what works for someone else might not be right for you. Therapy is deeply personal; your needs, identity, and goals matter most.

3. Reach out to multiple therapists.
Don’t be shy about emailing several therapists to get a feel for their style, specialty areas, and vibe. Check out their websites, read their bios, and explore the kinds of clients they work with. Maybe one uses a strengths-based approach, which really resonates with you. Maybe another has experience supporting 2SLGBTQIA+ folks, and that makes you feel safer and more seen. Let yourself be curious; you’re allowed to be picky.

4. Ask about their training.
Many therapists are trained in specific modalities, like the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or trauma-informed care. You don’t need to know all the details, but feel free to ask them to explain their approach. A good therapist will be happy to help you understand how they work and what might be a good fit for your needs.

5. Notice how the space feels.
In your consult, pay attention to how the therapist makes you feel. Do you feel heard? Respected? Not judged? A warm, nonjudgmental presence is key. You should never feel like you have to shrink yourself to be in the space.

6. Look for clear boundaries and communication.
A good therapist maintains professional boundaries while still being approachable, compassionate, curious and grounded. Notice if they communicate clearly about scheduling, fees, cancellation policies, confidentiality, and what to expect from therapy. These things build trust.

7. Make sure they’re collaborative.
Therapy should feel like a partnership, not a one-sided lecture. The right therapist will invite your input, adapt their approach based on your feedback, and treat you as the expert of your own experience. We may be experts in a certain modality, but you are the expert of your life.

8. Trust your gut.
At the end of the day, therapy is about connection. If something feels off, even if you can’t explain why, it’s okay to keep looking. Your comfort matters. Sometimes our nervous system picks up on subtle cues that our mind hasn’t named yet. If a therapist makes you feel uneasy, dismissed, or misunderstood, listen to that inner voice. The right therapist will help you feel safe, seen, and supported, not second-guessed. 

If certain demographic areas like gender, age, culture or religious beliefs are important to you in a therapist, then keep looking until you find that fit. Your comfort, trust, and emotional safety are essential ingredients in the healing process.

Don’t be afraid to book consults with a few different therapists before committing to the therapeutic process. A good therapist wants you to find the best fit, even if it’s not them. If they also don’t feel that you are a right fit for them, or your needs are outside of their scope of practice, the consultation is a good place to figure that out. 

9. Find someone who specializes in what you are looking to work on. If you're looking for couple’s therapy...
This is especially important. Working with couples is its own unique skill set, and not all therapists are trained in it. It’s a specific kind of jeans you might be looking for, like Levi’s 501, and a specific kind of racquet, like the Wilson Blade 98!

Look for someone who has specialized training in couples work, such as:

• Gottman Method Couples Therapy, which is research-based and focuses on strengthening friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning.
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which helps partners identify and shift the emotional patterns that keep them stuck in disconnection.

At our practice, we’re all Gottman-trained, and some of us also have EFT training. That means we’re equipped with tools, strategies, and a deep understanding of couple dynamics to support you through your unique relationship challenges.

To get even more specific, if you are a premarital couple, some of us also have specialized training in that, with PREP-Enrich and SYMBIS. We also have a brand new ten week program for premarital couples that uses an integration of these various couples approaches. Contact Melissa at admin@couplewellnessexperts.com for more details on our premarital program.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Feel Held, Not Just Heard

Finding a therapist isn’t always easy. But when you find someone who really gets you, who helps you feel safe, challenged, and supported, it’s absolutely worth it.

You deserve more than a one-size-fits-all solution. You deserve care that’s tailored to your life, your story, and your healing.

So try them on. Ask questions. Be picky.  

When therapy fits, everything changes.

About the Author:
This blog was written by Mathilde Beauvais, MSW Intern with The Couple Wellness Experts. She is spending her practicum placement with us for the summer of 2025. If you wish to book a free 15-minute consultation with her to talk through any couple issues you might be facing, she is currently accepting new clients.